When I first started my walk with Jesus I was consumed with the facts of being accepted, approved, and loved by Him no matter what. I was so thankful for the truth of being okay with God and I wanted to show my appreciation by being the best person that I could be. If it was not right or good I did not do it. All as a response to the love that God has for me. I had a clear conscience of any wrong doing on my part and was pleased with the person that I had become. Then the day came that I felt condemnation for something that I was doing. It was as if every truth that I had come to know was no longer true.
The more that I tried to stop my action the more that I desired to do it. And with every desire came more condemnation, shame, and guilt. I felt so bad for not being able to withstand the temptation and control my actions. The more that I prayed for forgiveness and mercy the more that I had that dooming feeling that I had made God mad and that I had insulted him and took advantage of the freedom that He had given me. I felt as if He felt like all the work that He had did in me was for nothing and a waste of time. As time went on I felt my relationship with Him becoming more and more distant. But I didn’t blame Him at all. I would be mad at me too for not respecting and honoring the work that He had done in me. I was not educated enough to know that I was in a spiritual war and so I caved into the lies instead of standing for the truth. I ended up in a dark place in my relationship with God and was riddled with shame and guilt.
The truth of being made right because of Jesus had been covered up with the lie that I must do right to be made right. But then I read Galatians 3-6 and the truth started to ring in my heart once again. It reminded me that we are all sinners and that is why Jesus died, taking our punishment upon himself. It reminded me that I could never obey all the laws, regulations, and rules no matter how hard I tried. It reminded me that my faith in Jesus is what matters most. My trust that His death was for my life. That His blood was shed to cover my imperfections. That His death bought me freedom from the law. And that as long as I believe that Jesus did all these things then I am made right with God.
God’s grace is part our depending on Jesus to be perfect for us and if we think that we have to be perfect then God’s grace can not help us. Jesus has done everything for us that we are not capable of doing ourselves. He has covered up our imperfections with His perfection. He cancelled our obligation to follow rules and regulations. He made room for us to make mistakes, have failures and set backs, and for us to be the imperfect humans that we are. Don’t let the enemy or your own human thinking tell you otherwise.