I want to do what is good, I want to do what is right, but I always seem to do the opposite of what it is that I want to do. Why do I do what I do when I know that I should not do it or that I should do it another way? Am I the only one that struggles with this? I may be wrong, but I very seriously doubt that I am, that at least 50% of Christians either have or are struggling with this. We really want to do what we know we should do but we don’t. We do not want to do wrong, but we do. We do not want to put things off or avoid them, but we do. We do not want to act in unloving ways, but we do. We want to be obedient to God, but we aren’t. We strongly desire to change our ways but we constantly fall back into the same habits and routines. Why do we do what we do?
When I first heard about what I am about to say I was a little confused. But it has opened up my eyes to a whole new level of understanding now. I knew that our hearts are who we really are, they are the core of our being. I understood that the good things that are within us come from our heart, where Jesus resides. But I was not fully understanding the whole heart. I did not get the fact that we do have the part of our hearts that is called “the hidden part of the heart.” The part of the heart that has to be transformed by God. The part of our heart where we have tucked away the imprints of the bad things that have gone on in and around us. The part that has the negative and wrong beliefs, the selfish desires, and the root of all our sins. Our hearts direct our lives. What is in our hearts shows out in our lives. The actions that we end up taking come from what is within our heart. But there is always more going on in the hidden part of the heart than what is seen on the surface. Meaning that there is a deeper reason to many, if not all, of our wrong actions.
The level of negative or wrong beliefs, selfish desires, wrong motives, and sins in the heart that have not been dealt with will determine the level of control that they have over you and the level of lack of control that you have over yourself. If we keep trying to stuff it all away and not deal with it, it builds up and we become ticking time bombs. We think that we can hide it and not face it and everything will be okay. We think that it is easier to stuff it away than to have to face the shame, guilt, regret, pain, anger, and fear that facing it would cause. But it is those things that we have hidden in our hearts that is causing us do the things that we do. And until we face them we will continue to do what we are doing. It is the worry, distrust, anxiety, anger, passivity, avoidance, envy, jealousy, bitterness, strife, and such things in our hidden heart that leads us to the actions, or lack of action that we take and end up regretting. It is sin ruling in the hidden part of the heart and that is what we have to let God transform about us.
Only the Holy Spirit can give us a new heart by speaking truth and love to us about what is in our heart. If we want to have that change in ourselves to where we actually do what we know we should do and have the best life that we can have, we are going to have to invite Jesus to help us face truths about what is going on in our heart. We are going to have to face the things that we have been avoiding for so long. We are going to have to face the facts about our wrong doings and own them. We are going to have to face our crap!! Nothing can be changed or healed if it is not first acknowledged.
But the good thing about it is that Jesus is going to be loving on you the whole time because He loves broken, messed up people. And He is the only one that can put the pieces back together as if it were never even cracked. He already knows everything about us, all that we have or haven’t done, and all that has been done to us so there is no need to be afraid. He is the one that is going to tell you what the root of the problem is in your heart but you have to accept it just as He accepts you. He wants to bring you out of captivity and set you free to be who you were created you to be. He wants to speak truth and love to you but you have to be willing to listen, own up to, and accept the truth that He tells you. Once everything is brought out into the light you will have nothing controlling you any longer and you will be free to live your best life, doing what you know you should do to better yourself and your life.