Have you ever felt like you had to accomplish or achieve something before you could be completely happy, content, satisfied, and can enjoy your life? Or maybe you feel that way right now. Maybe you feel like you have to prove something to someone or feel that something has to be accomplished before you can allow yourself to take a deep breath and relax. When we have the mindset that we must do something before we can be complete and enjoy our lives we rob ourselves of what can be a great adventure. We rob ourselves of peace, joy, love, enjoyment, and satisfaction. We carry a weight on our shoulders from the pressure of trying to be right, the best at, good enough, and/or the need of approval. We may not even recognize that we are longing for acceptance, approval, or acknowledgement. We just know that we feel a void within us that we think can be filled once we do/accomplish/achieve something.

I recently faced a huge battle with this that lasted well over a year. I am not exactly sure what caused it to start but I quickly found myself in a very dark place. I felt like there was always this cloud of stress, sadness, and an uneasiness deep within me. I had this constant feeling of pressure and everything seemed overwhelming. Even baking something with the grandkid seemed like too much because of the mess that would have to be cleaned up. I found no pleasure in the things that usually brought joy to my heart. I asked myself, “what is wrong with you,” over and over again. I prayed time and time and time again but with no answer. My heart screamed out with so much desire to help others love themselves and their lives but everything that I tried failed. I couldn’t understand why nothing was working and began to question what I felt God had put on my heart. Then before I knew it even the desire and the knowledge I thought that I had diminished. I drew all blanks every time I would try to think of something to write or create.

About six months into this battle I also found myself irritated quickly and always on edge. I no longer laughed at the simplest thing and preferred to sit in silence rather than engage with others. I would sin in the smallest of ways and rather than forgive myself as Jesus does I would hold a grudge against myself. Then the negative thoughts became more and more and I felt less and less. It was a spiral of emotions all of the time and most of them were not joyful ones. I began to think that the sin, disobedience, and lack of self control in my life was the problem and until I got my crap together, starting being obedient, and doing what I know I should do, I could never love and enjoy myself or my life. I had to DO something before it would be okay for me to enjoy anything. It literally felt as if there were a piece of me that had died or was missing. The only time that I would feel any kind of enjoyment or happiness was when I was able to help someone with something. And that was very short lived because as soon as I was done helping them the joy went away too.

One night not long ago I was just sitting on the couch folding some clothes and these thoughts came to me out of nowhere. “You are enough and it is okay to enjoy yourself. Just as you are right now, you are enough. You are acceptable right now, just as you are, without anything accomplished.’ I thought about the thought for a minute, wondering why that just popped into my mind. Next these thoughts came rushing in my mind like a raging river, “that is what this has all been about. I have kept you from being successful at anything because I need you to know that you are enough just as you are. I approve of and accept you because of who you are and not what you DO. You are enough to me even if you never achieve anything. If you stay the same way that you are right now you will still be enough. You have nothing to prove. You can enjoy life now while you are making the journey instead of waiting to get to the destination.” As I sat there for the next 30 minutes or so thinking about what God had just spoken to me I found myself in a state of awe. I felt physically lighter, my heart rate was elevated a little, I had this warm tingling feeling running through my bones, and it was almost as if I could feel my heart smiling. As the day went on and the thought of “you are enough” kept coming to my mind I felt freer and lighter. God revealed to me that I had been basing my acceptance and value on what I did and with every failed attempt my self value and worth got less and less. And I had no idea that is what was going on.

Maybe you need to hear this today for yourself so that you can start to enjoy your life journey. YOU ARE ENOUGH!! Just as you are right now in this moment, you are enough!! Even if you never accomplish anything, never achieve the reward, or never make the change that needs to be made, you are accepted, valued, and loved. It is okay for you to enjoy today, to enjoy you, and to enjoy your life, right now just the way that things are. God knew that things would go the way that they have and that you would be where you are at right now before you were even born so it is no surprise to Him. And even with knowing that this would be the case He still chose to save you and adopt you as His own child. You were enough then, and you will always be enough. So stop trying to achieve joy and decide today that you are going to enjoy the journey. Yes it is a great thing to have goals and to achieve them, to want better for yourself and your future and to make changes, to want to get a degree and to accomplish it, but it does not determine your level of worth, value, acceptance, or love. You are enough no matter what!!