The calendar was filled with the daily task for the month. Pink and green sharpie pins had filled the lines for each day. 5am-wake up, 5:30am- get kids up, fed, dressed, and ready for school, 6:15am- put kids on bus and get myself ready, 7:15am-head to work, 12-1pm- lunch break go to bank, pay bill, post office, 3:30pm- make sure kids got to sitters house from school, 5pm- leave work, pick up kids, go to grocery store, 6pm- kids hmwork, prep dinner, 7-8pm- dinner, kids baths, clean up kitchen, load of laundry, 8pm lay kids clothes out for next day,, make lunches,, make 3 phone calls, fill out paperwork that was due 2 days ago, 9pm- kids story time and then bed, 9:30pm finish cleaning up, take shower, get clothes out for next day, sign all school papers, let the dog out, put clothes in the dryer, 11pm go to bed, read scripture and some of my book and go to sleep. Each day looked something like this with some days having more things than others. But the point I am trying to make is that my time was always spent on taking care of life and the people that I loved. Each waking hour that I had was consumed with kids, work, housework, bills, business, family and friends. You know,, my obligations as a wife, mother, emoloyee, and friend. I did not mind doing these things because it brought joy to my heart to know that I was doing the best that I could by each person.
Over time I noticed that I started to feel a little heavier. I felt like there was something slightly pressing on my shoulders. But I continued with the daily task of life. Then after some more time had passed I noticed that I was losing my patience a lot quicker than normal. And I would find myself in a irritable mood often.. I was losing the happiness that I had for my life. I would find myself thinking negative thoughts about certain situations in my life. I didn’t know what was causing me to feel these ways or do these things buy something was wrong.
As I was talking with God about the situation and asked him to speak truth to me I heard the words, “what’s going on in your heart” in my head. It took a minute or so for me to grasp what He was asking me. Truth was I hadn’t checked what I had going on in my heart for a long time. I had not made the time to invest in my self or my wellbeing. If I had 20 free mins in the day I was trying to work on something else or take a quick nap. I had neglected to keep in touch with my heart making sure that it didn’t get anything built up in it that would choke it out. As a result from the neglect I ended up becoming unhappy, impatient, bitter, angry, and resentful.
I had held every offense, disappointment, hurt, and frustration inside. Every time something would happen that caused me to have a negative emotion i would stuff it down deep inside. Many times I would have intentions on addressing the situation at a more proper time but then I would never do it. I thought that I was just letting the things go but that wasn’t the case. And because I didn’t check the condition of my heart I had no idea that I was allowing these things to build up in me like they were. I took care of all of the obligations of life but i forgot that I was also a priority. If we are not peaceful in our heart it affects every area of our lives.
There are many ways to lose the peace and joy in your heart. These are just a few to keep an eye out for. Bitterness, disappointment, discontented, envy, jealously, critical judgment of self or others, hurt, anger, resentment, animosity, guilt, regret, shame, self pity, sin, fault finding, and unforgiveness.
Never forget to spend time checking what’s in your heart. Make sure you find the time to do so. Even if it is while your taking a bath or mowing the grass. The important thing is that you spend the “me time” that you need to make sure that you are good. Keep your heart clear of anything that will start to choke it out. A happy life starts with a peaceful and happy heart.