When we think about the things that others have done to us or our loved ones that caused us great pain we naturally have feelings of anger, hurt, rage, disappointment, and such negative emotions. We have bad thoughts about the person and may wish harm to them for the pain that they caused us. We wonder how someone could do the acts that they did. We want them to hurt like we hurt. And the truth is that they may actually have the same pain in their hearts that we do. It may be caused by something totally different than what has caused our pain, but the pain still runs deep.
When I learned the truth that I am about to share with you it caused a great deal of freedom and healing that I much needed. It did not make it all go away, as if it never happened, and the pain was still real. But it gave me the “reason” behind it all. It helped me to free myself from the thoughts of, “what did I do to deserve it, what’s wrong with me, why me” that consumed me for years. And that truth is, hurting people hurt people. Pain causes pain. And it is a vicious cycle that is causing more and more people to cause pain to each other. When someone does something that hurts another person it is likely that they are acting out of their own pain. You”ve probably heard about rape or abuse cases where the defendant had the same or similar things happen to them when they were younger. Maybe you have said some really hurtful things to someone that you care deeply about all because they said hurtful things to you. Or have you ever known someone that has a lot of anger inside and they are not a very nice person? All these situations are mostly caused by someone that has a lot of pain in their heart. And because of that pain they either want someone to feel their pain or they never learned to redo a learned behavior from childhood.
This is not an excuse for the person that has caused you so much pain but it very well may be the reason why they did it. It does not make what they did okay but maybe it will help you to know that it had nothing to do with you at all. You did not do anything to deserve what happened to you. The person that caused you all that pain has something seriously wrong with them rather it be a mental or emotional thing. And you did not do anything to cause that so don’t let yourself think that it is somehow your fault.
We all have reasons behind our actions rather they be good or bad. Thoughts, beliefs, and emotions cause us to act in certain ways. If we have bad thoughts, wrong beliefs, or negative emotions we are going to act bad and do wrong things. It is not an excuse to act that way but it is the reason. In order to assure that you will not cause others the pain that was caused to you make sure that you properly heal from your experience and do not hold onto the pain. If you were verbally, mentally, emotionally, or physically abused as a child you have to make sure that you heal from it and learn how to do differently. We can not control the pain that others cause but we can make sure that we are not the ones causing it. Many times the person that has caused you pain is in a turmoil of pain themselves and unfortunately they act upon that pain. Like I said before, it is not an excuse but it very well may be the reason.
I hope that you find some freedom from this. I pray that this help you to heal in some way. And I hope that it helps you to be conscious of your actions towards others so that you can break the pain cycle.