As i was watching a show today something occurred to me. The show was about a girl that had been exploited by her parents and used as a sex object. The event ruined her life for many years and she was seeking help to heal. As I listened to her story I thought about my story and many others stories of childhood trauma that I have heard over the years. And although every story is different as far as the physical aspect of it goes, the emotional and psychological effects are similar in many ways. The effects that a trauma has on a young person will stay with them, to a certain degree, for their entire life. And sadly, for many, it will cripple their life forever. The pain, the shame, the anger, it all gets triggered by certain things and it causes the person to act in a way that they end up regretting. Then they have even more shame and guilt to add to what they already carry from the trauma that happened and they hate themselves (or others) a little more each time. It’s a repetitive cycle that happens.
The things that some have had to endure are horrific. The physical and sexual abuse. For some it may not have been physical or sexual abuse but they were bullied their entire childhood. For others, they were abandoned by a parent or were constantly lied to and let down. There are many different kinds of trauma but they all have a traumatic effect on us. The effects may vary in the level of severity but they are all just as important.
I am not making light of anything that someone has gone threw or what kind of person the person was that did the act but I want to share something with you that enabled me to be able to start to heal from my trauma. Hurting people hurt people. Many times when someone does some form of abuse to someone it is because they experienced the same or similar abuse as a child. I do not understand why they choose to repeat the pain that was inflicted on them but it is the truth. When I learned that truth it helped me to let myself off the hook of thinking that it must have been something that I did to deserve it. It helped me to understand that those people were acting out of their own pain and torment. Because they never dealt with their trauma or learned a different way to do things they carried on that same torment that they experienced. I am not excusing what they did to you nor am I making an excuse for their behavior. I am only saying that it had nothing to do with you as to why those people chose to hurt you. It is not your fault that they inflicted the abuse on you. And I am also saying that it may help set you free to an extent to know that hurting people hurt people.
The chances of you hurting someone because of your own pain is greatly increased when you have not dealt with the trauma and healed. You may not do the exact same thing that was done to you but you will inflict pain on others as well as yourself. You may keep people at a distance, not letting them get too close to you. You may have a very suspicious mindset that causes you to think that everyone is out to hurt you somehow, causing you to treat people poorly. You may lose your temper quick and say hurtful things. You may allow others to walk all over you. You may allow people to do bad things to you. You may do drugs to cover the pain. You may go to extreme measures to cover up the pain within you, causing you to be someone that your not. The list goes on in ways that we can either hurt others or ourselves because of our own pain. And I want you to know that it does not have to be that way. You can heal from your trauma. You can be set free from the effects of it. And you can stop the cycle of hurting people hurt people.
When I realized that I had certain behaviors that I did towards others that hurt them and that I was being that way because of my own pain it motivated me to deal with my traumas and to heal. It also helped me to see my abusers in a different way. I finally understood at least part of the why they did what they did. It freed me from thinking that it must have had something to do with me. And I wanted to stop that cycle so that no one else would be hurt because of what someone did to me. My prayer is that this gives you a new insight on the traumas that you experienced and any self blame that you may have. You can heal from the pains of your past. You can be free from all shame, guilt, anger,pain, or torment that you may have. And I would like to add that when you get to the point of forgiveness, you are finally not allowing your abuser to abuse you anymore!!!! Once you are able to forgive you take back control that the abuser had over you because you are no longer being negatively affected by their actions. They will not be able to continue to hurt you. And you will break the cycle of hurting people hurt people.