I have been praying for the things that have been going on in my life and the things that I would like to change about myself lately. I have prayed and prayed with no word from God until this morning. What He said to me was truth and it helped me to look at things in a different way. And because I believe that it is something that many people deal and struggle with I wanted to share it. I pray that this help encourage those who are dealing with troubles, uncertainties, struggles with bad habits, and such things.
I had been praying for awhile now that God give me strength, help me make right choices, take temptation from me or help me to fight it, to take the desire to do things that I knew I shouldn’t do from me, and such things. I prayed day and night for such things with no word from God or change in me. I so desperately did not want to keep doing things the way that I was doing them. I desperately wanted to see change in myself and my son. I wanted us to live the life that Jesus has for us to live. But nothing was changing in me other than I continued to feel worse about myself. I felt worse because I knew that if I would do somethings different then I could have the peace and joy that I so desperately wanted, but yet, I was not making the changes that I knew I could make. It came down to the choices that I was making. I was choosing to do the same things instead of what I knew to do and that made me very mad at myself.
Well this morning after I finished praying about the same things God finally spoke to me. Did I like what He had to say, nope, not really, but it was the truth that I needed to hear. He told me that I want everything to be easy without any fight of my own. I wanted everything to just change without me having to fight the temptations and choosing to do what I knew to do even though my flesh was having a screaming fit. I wanted Him to take the desires and habits and temptations from me so that I would not do them. I wanted him to do His part and my part. He told me that I will have to make the first step in saying no to myself and He will give me the strength that I need to not give in and to do what it is that I need to do. I was going to have to put in the work and it is not going to be all roses and sunshine while I am going through the change. I have to be the one to take the actions that I know that I should take and do it while one side of me is saying, “BUT I WANT _________ AND I WANT TO _________ AND JUST DO __________. I had to make the choice of doing what I knew to do. It is not going to be easy but it is doable because I have Him on my side.
He was right. I did want things to change without any hard effort of my own. I just wanted the desires and habits and temptations to go away without me having to fight myself to not do them. I wanted the easy way out. I hadn’t looked at it like that before, but it is the absolute truth. So now I can approach things in a different way. Even though I had known that I had to make the right choices, I was hiding the truth from myself, that I wanted God to do the hard work for me. He will enable us to do what we need to do but He will not do the work for us and that is what I was looking for him to do. I am now able to see the truth of myself and can do what I need to do.
I think that many of us hide truth from ourselves and like to tell ourselves that we are doing the best that we can, but are we really? Are we doing what we know we can do or are we looking to God to do it for us? It was a hard truth to face about myself but it was the truth. And now that He has spoken the truth to me about myself I know that I have to step it up and take control of my actions and choices. If you are struggling with the same things ask God to speak truth to you so that you can be free too.