I was watching a talk show today that the subject was about bullying. When we hear the word bully we often think about school aged people. When we hear about situations that involve bullying we usually hear of middle or high school kids that were involved. But unfortunately even some adults bully people. You would think that adults would mature out of such behavior and encourage kids to not engage in it. But sadly many kids grow into adults with the same insecurities and pains that caused them to be a bully when they were young, therefore, continuing to be a bully as an adult.

 As I watched this show and heard this grown woman talk to the decoy that the show had set up to catch her actions on camera I was shocked. This woman was so mean to this guy that was in a wheelchair, saying that she shouldn’t have to look at him or be near him. She went on to say that it was a disgust to have to look at him and she felt sick to her stomach. Later on in the show as they played the clip of tape that they had recorded, and she was center stage, they had that guy come out in the wheelchair and addressed her actions towards him. As the host was asking her why she was so mean to the man he turned to him and asked him how it made him feel. As the man was saying how hurt he was that someone could treat a handicap person in such a way he began to stand up. As he rose out of the chair the look on that woman’s face was nothing but shock and shame. He walked over to her and introduced himself and stuck out his hand to shake hers. She looked at his hand and hesitantly shook it. You could tell that she was very embarrassed but tried to keep the hard exterior appearance.

 They had this woman sit in the audience and brought out this 10yr old kid that been bullying kids at his school. This kid goes on to talk about how he was bullied in k-2 grade and how terrible it made him feel. He was smaller than all the other kids so it made him an easy target. Well, over a summer break he ended up punching this younger kid and said that it made him feel powerful. He said that it made him feel tough and important, therefore that day he decided to take on the image of a “bad kid” and started doing all the wrong things. When they should him the clip of the adult woman and asked his opinion of her actions, even at his young age he was able to see how wrong it was and said that he did not want to grow up and be like that woman. As the camera focused in on her face in the audience while he said those words you could see the tears build up in her eyes but of course she held them back and responded with smart remark. The host then turns to her and said, “you think you are such a billy bad a@& but this young man is so much bigger, badder, and more mature than you are.” He went on to say that she acted the way that she did because she got something out of belittling others and that she was so insecure on the inside she had the “imma get you before you get me” attitude. He talked about how something or someone hurt her so badly when she was younger that she felt the need to protect herself by putting on this evil mask everyday. As he was saying these things to her she started to hang her head a little bit, and when she looked back up at the host, you seen a tear fall from one of her eyes. Although she had no response to what the host said I think that her reaction told it all.

 As the host went on to talk about the main reasons behind bullying and the courage that the 10yr old boy had to be on the show and seek help I thought back on my own actions in my younger days. I was always the fat kid with second hand clothes that were wore out so I got joked a lot. Back then it was not called bullying, it was that you were being teased. Well, no matter what you call it, I remember how bad it hurt my feelings and embarrassed me in front of other school mates. This went on from 1st-6th grade. I would beg my mom to let me stay home from school because I didn’t want to have to deal with it but of course I had to go to school. I never told my mom what was going on but the people that I did tell told me to grow some tough skin and not pay attention to what others say. That is hard to do at such a young age and when you haven’t even formed your true identity yet. When I went into junior high I had promised myself that I was not going to let people continue to do me the way that they had been so I became this emotionless individual that acted as if I didn’t care about other people or their feelings. I became someone totally opposite from who I really was because I was trying to protect myself. For the next 12 plus years I was this rude, hateful, mean, and heartless person. I reminded myself of the woman that was on stage of this show. But before I became that person I was just like that little boy when he was being teased.

 So I say all of this to say that we have to take care of the hearts of these kids so that they don’t grow up and spread hatred in the world. If I did not learn who I was in Christ, who God created me to be, how I am accepted and loved just as I am, and that the devil works through others to try to put me down and to destroy me, I would still be that hateful person treating others very poorly. I would not be happy with myself because I would be denying and trying to hide who I really was. Being a bully doesn’t have an age range attached to it. And the only way to keep the adults from doing it is for them to figure out and fix the real issue that causes them to be such a person. I say this phrase all the time because it is so true, hurting people, hurt people.

 At the end of that show the host addressed the woman about her attitude, and as he was talking, the guy that had played the handicap man in the wheel chair, which was sitting right beside her in the audience, raised his hand and says, “you know, I know that everyone here is looking at this woman like she is a terrible person but I sense that deep down inside she is a very nice person and has a huge heart, I can just tell that there is really something special about her that she is hiding from the world.” And as he was saying those words tears started flowing from her eyes. The host goes onto to say that he bets that she was deeply wounded as a child and she built up this defense strategy or this wall of protection around her heart to try to keep from ever having to feel that amount of pain again. As he was saying those words she had this slight nod of her head as if she didn’t want to admit it but yet she could no longer deny it either it. There was help offered to her for healing and dealing with her issues and she accepted the help, as the little boy was offered and accepted the same kind of help. I do not know what the outcome of their story was but I suspect that both of them have became better people and no longer bully others if they got the help they needed.

 If you have been bullied or are a bully I ask that you please seek help for the deeper issue that resides in you. If you know someone that is a bully or is being bullied talk to them about it and offer to walk beside them as they seek the help that they need. The only way that we can attempt to stop some of the hatred that is going now days is to do something about it in a positive and productive way and at as early age as possible. We all have feelings and we all deserve to be treated respectfully no matter our age, color, gender, hair style, clothing, etc. If you see someone being picked on stand up for them because it could your act of kindness that makes the positive change on both sides.