I have been struggling with my relationship with God for a while now. I know that the bible says as long as we believe in Jesus then we are saved and that we are okay with God. I know that it says as long as we ask for forgiveness then we are forgiven and that He remembers our sin no more. I know that it says that Jesus’ blood covers our sins and that we are made perfect through him. I believe that the bible speaks all truth. I believe that Jesus died and rose from the dead. I believe, but do I believe that it applies to me? Do I believe that my sins are forgiven? Maybe not. I mean, I say that I believe, but do I really believe it applies to me? I say that I do, but obviously I do not believe that it does to a certain point. I have been weighed down with guilt, shame, and anger towards myself because I know that there are things that God has told to me to do, or not to do, and I have not listened. I have been making messes, depriving myself of the peace and joy that God wants to give me. I have felt so bad for allowing sin to rule back in my life again after God had delivered me from so many things and gave me a second chance at life. “How could I disrespect God like that”, are the words that plagued my mind day in and day out. How could I allow myself to lack the peace and joy that were available to me by choosing to do what I knew I shouldn’t be doing. The enemy was having a field day with my thoughts and sin was winning the battle for awhile. I was treating others very well, always lending a helping hand to bring them peace and joy but I was treating myself poorly. I prayed and prayed for answers to what was wrong with me and why had I gotten off of the path that I was on, being the best person that I could be and doing what was right just because it was the right thing to do, no matter how I felt about it. I was so angry with myself because I had lost the self control that I had and that I had hindered my relationship with God. It was all my own fault and I did not know how to fix it.
As I opened my bible to Romans chapter 5:15-21 chains started to be broken off of me. God used those chapters to speak to me and I had a tingling feeling come over me as the words. I had read those chapters many times before but this time was different. Certain words popped out at me, certain phrases seemed to come off of the page towards me. This is what the Lord screamed at me as I read those verses. “Yes, sin is powerful, and it is in everyone. But there is a huge difference between sin and my grace. My grace for you overpowers any sin that is within you. My righteousness is greater than your own condemnation. Stop beating yourself up for the nature that you were born with and receive my grace and the righteousness that is offered to you through Jesus. Sin leads to condemnation, but my free gift of righteousness leads to you being okay with me, even though, you are guilty of many sins. If you will receive my gift and my grace then it will lead you into victory over sin controlling you. Because of Jesus you are in right relationship with me. And because of that, you have the opportunity to live a new life. No matter how big your sin is, my grace is bigger. Receive my free gift of righteousness and let my grace lead you into the new life available to you”.
It was definitely a “God thing” in that moment cause like I said, I had read those verses may times before, but it never spoke so strongly to me. I am now at ease with myself. All condemnation is gone. I do not feel as if God is upset with me. And I feel empowered to fight this battle of sin in my life. I am dead to sin and alive to God. I am not under the powers of sin anymore and I choose to live by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I know that I will still sin, but, I no longer feel as if it has any power over me.
If any of you are struggling with condemnation I strongly suggest that you read Romans chapters 5&6. If you are struggling with sin read chapter 6. We have God’s grace to help us to live the life that Jesus died for us to have. And we have his free gift of righteousness, through Jesus, to cover our sins and bring us into right relationship with him. Don’t let the enemy or yourself think that you do not have a close relationship with God because of your sins. If we believe in Jesus and receive God’s free gift then we are in good standing with God. He loves you, He is your friend, and He is your father forever!!