Galatians 3: 3-4 After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why would you try to become perfect in your own human effort? Have you experienced so much for nothing?

As we approach the Easter holiday I am reminded of one of my experiences with God that contributed to my faith walk. This is something that I do not share very often but I feel that this is the proper time to give this part of my testimony and a good example of what Galatians 3: 3-4 references to.

When I was in my coma from the accident that I had gotten in I had an experience that I kept to myself for years. I do not know if it was because I felt it was just between me and God or if it was that I didn’t think that anyone would believe me, but I did not speak of it for years. I questioned myself if it was real for awhile, but now, I know that I know, it was a real experience.

I did not know what had happened to me, but that something bad had happened. I cold hear the beeps of the monitors, I could smell the undeniable smell of medicine and a hospital, and I could hear voices from time to time. I seen nothing as if my sight was taken but every other sense in my body was heightened. Then one day, all of the sudden, it was like I was sitting in the upper corner of my hospital room looking down on myself. I felt a presence beside me that was bigger than me but yet very comforting. As I looked at myself lying in that bed all alone, hooked up to all kinds of machines and all kinds of tubes and metal outside my body, I had overwhelming feelings of grief come over me. I was all alone and I did not want to die all alone. I somehow knew that the presence I felt beside me was God and I said to him, “God I do want to die alone.” Then I heard a stern yet soft voice say, “what have you done with your life up to this point?” All of the sudden it was like movie credits flashing before me of every event in my life that I made a choice or decision that I knew I should have not made, and I became flooded with feelings of regret. I cried out, “God I am so sorry, and if you allow me to live through whatever this is that has happened to me I will try to do better. I know that I will mess up but I promise that I will try to live a better life.”

When I woke up from the coma something had changed in me. I felt like a completely different person and had different outlook than I once did. As time went on I paid closer attention to what my heart (my conscience) was saying. If I had the feeling that I should or shouldn’t do something that is what I did, no questions asked. I kept that experience in my coma and that horrible feeling of regret I had close to me. I did not want to ever have to experience that again so it was the drive I needed at the time to make better choices and decisions. I did not have the knowledge of the Holy Spirit and how it works in us yet so I was not aware that I was living my life by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I just knew that God allowed me to live and I had told Him that I would do better if He did.

Once I learned it was the Holy Spirit that was in my heart leading me in the direction I should go I was grateful to have such a helper in navigating life. I began to pay closer attention and tried to let every step that I made be lead by the Spirit. For the first time in my life I felt good about myself and the choices that I made. I felt like I was right where I was suppose to be, doing exactly what I was suppose to be doing. I was free from guilt, shame, and regret that had consumed me for so long and I felt free.

Somewhere along the way life got harder and I began to compromise on my choices and decisions. That lead to gaining some old habits and going against the Spirits guidance. Then, before I know it, I am letting my flesh have it’s way, doing things that I knew were not in my best interest to do and the guilt and shame came back. The feeling that I had let God down and had to get myself back together was intense. I spent the next few years trying to do better. I tried and I tried, only to fail each time. I felt like I had to get myself back together before I could begin to be lead by the Spirit again. I guess I thought that I had to make up for my back sliding all on my own. But the more that I tried the more I messed up. I was trying to do something that I could never do on my own or in my own strength. I tried to do exactly what Paul was talking about in Galatians 3:3-4.

It was not until I gave up on myself, and told God that if I was gonna get back on the right track He was going to have to help me, that things started to change little by little. Instead of me trying to make myself do something I would try to pay attention to what my heart (the Holy Spirit) was saying. If my heart said to do something I would do it. Instead of me waking up each day telling myself that I needed to do this or that or not do this or that, I woke up telling myself that I was going to let the Holy Spirit guide my steps. And that is how I began to make changes and get back in alignment with God.

We will never be able to be better, to do better, in our own human strength. We will only get so far when we are leaning on our own human effort. But when we are walking by the guidance of the Holy Spirit the possibilities are endless. I think this is a truth that deserves to be recongized while celebrating that Jesus has risen. Because without Him rising from the dead we would not have the Holy Spirit to lean on to help us navigate life, be who we were created to be, have the best life that we could have, and all of the other ways that He helps us. We have to constantly remind ourselves that in our own human effort we will only get so far and that we are in constant need of help from the Holy Spirit.