I have been going threw so much lately mentally and spiritually. I have been fighting feelings of emptiness, being stuck, lack, dread, disappointment, and fustration. I would like to say that it was because of situations, circumstances, or someone else, but it is all because of myself. I have been causing these things for myself. I ask myself several times a day what is wrong with me, why am I feeling this way. But the truth is that I know at least part of what my problem is and I know what to do to fix that part, but yet I still haven’t done it. When we know what we should do but do not do it we create our own misery. But I am finding out that God can even use our stubborness and rebellion to teach us and help us grow.
At the beginning of this phase in my life I felt as if God were mad at me because of my lack of actions and obedience. I felt as if I were a constant disappointment to Him. I was so full of shame and guilt that I found myself hiding from God. I felt like He had to be as upset with me as I was with myself. But He took me to His word that taught me that He doesn’t see me for my actions and that He loves me unconditionally. Ok, so, I got that part down. God loves me! But then came the, “well since He loves me so much then why can’t I honor His love by doing what I should do” thoughts. Can you see how the enemy will try to defeat us when God is trying to redeem us? I have to tell myself several times a day that God loves me no matter what. And when the enemy tries to put those bad thoughts in my head I have to think of scripture truths to cover the lies up.
Then God started to show me threw teachings and books that doing what He tells me to do or what I know to do is doing what is best for me. It is not a law that I do these things but if I want to have peace and joy then I need to do them. He is teaching me that doing what He wants me to do is the only way that I will feel and be complete because only He knows what I was created for. He is teaching me that none of us are whole unless we are doing His will for our lives. He has created each of us with different deep desires for our lives that we are to fulfill. And when we are not doing what we know we should be doing then we are not fulfilling those desires. Even down to simple house cleaning. If you like organization and structure but your home is disorganized then you are not going to be at peace.
Then He reminded me how we create habits easily and how the enemy will use procrastination and laziness to keep us out of God’s will and from doing the simple things that bring us joy and peace. If we start to put off something that we need to do then we will create a habit of putting it off until we no longer even desire to do it. We can quickly go from a person who handles business to a procrastinator when we start putting things off.
Now He is reminding that only I can decide to not pay attention to how I feel about doing something and just do it. He is reminding me that I have to do things rather I want to do them right then or not. And once I do them I will feel much better about myself and be encouraged to do other things that I may not want to do. It all starts with a decision and only I can make that decision to do it. He is reminding me that focusing on the final outcome instead of what it is going to take to get it done will help me to do it with a smile on my face.
God loves us no matter what but we hold grudges against ourselves for our actions or lack of actions. We have to see ourselves the way that God sees us. He wants us to do what He tells us to do because it is what will be best for us to do but it is up to us to do it or not. Only we can decide that we are going to break habits of procrastination or laziness. We can not rely on our feelings to help us do anything. All we have to do is ask God for help and decide to just get up and do it. He will meet us where we need him most and help us get it done. But it all starts with us taking the first step. If we want to be happy and peaceful we have to do what we know we should do in all areas of life because when we don’t we are out of God’s will for our lives.